holy shit guys i met donald trump on an elevator: a transcript of my conversation with him
okay donnie i know you’re a busy guy right, okay, i get that, but, have you ever noticed, right, have you ever noticed how birds are always pooping on your car?
…
okay, well, your limo, have you ever noticed how they’re always pooping on your limo? exactly, it’s annoying isn’t it?
do you think there’s something we can do about this bird problem?
whaddya mean what do i mean?
ALL THESE FUCKING BIRDS DONNIE
they are everywhere, shitting on everything. we must do something, it’s our responsibility as civilized human beings
whaddya mean what about peta?
DAMMIT YOU ARE DONALD TRUMP DONNIE
you can buy peta and reform it into a bird-killing npo. we’ll sell the bird meat as food for third-world countries, and use the profits to supplement the poor wages we pay them to make our synthetic cloths. that will shove one helluva shoe up the media’s ass.
whaddya mean you’ll have to talk to the wife?
DAMMIT YOU ARE DONALD FUCKING TRUMP DONNIE
fuck her until she agrees in her last lingering moment of consciousness because you with your ungodly sexual manuveurs have indeed fucked her to death.
c’mon donnie, let’s go get ourselves an indian taco.
